Why do we recommend “Conscious Relating” to everyone? Because it can be a profound turning point for your relationship with yourself and those you love.
Here’s what Tim & Shannon have to say about it:
Somewhere in the middle of the“Conscious Relating” workshop, we both realized that we’d never really had the chance to know each other – even after 10 years of marriage.
We’d been so busy initially with fantasies of what we wanted to believe and hoped about the other, and then later with our projections onto each other of our past relationships and of our parents, that we’d never seen the truth of the actual person standing in front of us. Through the workshop processes, a sense of renewed innocence began to emerge, and a compassionate and gentle love for each other started to blossom. It felt like we were experiencing unconditional love for the very first time – a deep and abiding love that has only to do with giving, freed from our usual rules and expectations for the other.
Standing across from each other in the workshop, we felt like we were meeting each other for the first time; that we’d been granted a new spouse – though, of course, it was only our perception that was new…washed clean with love.
Since that time, we’ve come to know that we are always responsible for restoring our perception to the truth of love. We’ve felt the grip of fear and projections again and again in our marriage and have come to realize that we repeat the same two to three patterns over and over again — it’s amusing (when we’re not believing these stories) that we find them entertaining enough to revisit them so frequently! But we do, and then for a time, are unable to see the truth about each other or ourselves.
Even in the midst of writing this, we became entangled in fear. One on side, the rigid, controlling German, obsessed with order (seemingly at the expense of our love); on the other, the unreliable, crazy, Irish waffler (seemingly wrecking our kids with leniency). We can carry on all day about the insights we’ve had about ourselves, but when we’re tranced out and believing our fear pictures, it’s very, very challenging to drop the story and come back to truth.
That is where the real work begins. Where the wheels hit the road, and where our commitment to love is truly tested. Blame feels so true, so compelling, and is so cunning. Thus, we are reminded again of a very simple awareness that was reinforced for us at the “Conscious Relating” workshop: Whenever one of us is disturbed, the problem and the solution lie within that person. No exceptions. Nothing about the other is ever the problem or the solution. If one of us is blocked by love and full of fear, then that person is responsible for that state within themselves.
The blame game is over.
The cool thing about the “Conscious Relating” workshop is that it’s amazing for anyone – whether you’re in an intimate relationship or not, because in truth, our struggles with intimacy and connection have nothing to do with anyone else! These struggles are always within and, at least for us, extend to all of our relationships – from ourselves, to our parents, our co-workers, kids, friendships, and even to “strangers.”
The problem is always the same – believing in fear. Manifesting in its many forms, keeping us from connecting vulnerably, and preventing us from giving of ourselves completely. Gratefully, the solution never changes either: love.
When our hearts are open, nothing stands between us and anyone else, and we can see everyone – including ourselves – as we are: Perfect. Connected. One.
Shannon and Tim