Lesson in Receptivity: Learning to Lead with Trust
April 18, 2016
I’m currently surrendering to *trusting the process* FIRST. Historically, trusting has been a last resort for me. Oh hey, well, I’ve exhausted all of my active states of figuring it out, asserting my will, forcing it, tantruming, victiming etc etc etc SO I GUESS I’LL JUST TRUST THE PROCESS NOW.
I recently had the flu.
103 degree fever – could barely stand – didn’t leave the house for 5 days, flu.
Each day I came up with something new to be terrified of:
Day 1 it was the fever. The higher it climbed, the more terrified I got. Am I going to die???
Day 2 it was the project I needed to finish for work. My client is going to be so mad at me if I don’t finish.
Day 3 it was the fever again. I literally must be dying.
Day 4 it was the cough. I probably have pneumonia. I was sure I was dying.
Day 5-12 it was the exhaustion that just wouldn’t quit. Certainly dying.
Are you seeing a theme here?!
There was fear in many forms.
There was working despite being really sick.
There was maniacally trying every flu remedy I could find.
There was certainty that this was never going to end. Or it was going to end in death.
There was rage, sadness, and loneliness.
But no trust.
On Day 12, I’d finally had enough. I closed the laptop, laid on the couch and saw the clear choice:
- Keep fighting the exhaustion, which was completely exhausting in itself.
- Be receptive and cozy up to the exhaustion. See what it wanted.
It took until I finally felt like I had zero other options left before I tried out the whole trust thing.
I finally surrendered to the thing that I had been resisting for almost 2 weeks. When I stopped resisting the exhaustion and trusted enough to lean into it, the exhaustion dissolved and I felt peaceful and blissed out.
And then on Day 13, something magical happened… I woke up feeling energized and like myself again!
When I finally just TRUSTED the wisdom of what I was feeling, stopped resisting it, and went all in, that’s when things shifted.
And just like that, the 12 days of feeling tired and crappy seemed like a little drop in the bucket in the span of a lifetime. And all that fear seemed totally unnecessary when I could have just… led with trust.