Growing Up (For Real)

I wish you could’ve seen me at my first Awareness Institute class. I felt anxious and wore a smile I couldn’t turn off—the kind that covers up deep discomfort. It’s a miracle I came back. But actually, it wasn’t a miracle. I was ready. Ready to stop repeating the same patterns, ready to feel more at ease in my body and relationships, and honestly—ready to grow up. 

I took a leap of faith and signed up for the next workshop. The workshop didn’t feel easy. But it did feel right. For the first time, I was in a space where discomfort wasn’t something to escape, but something to get curious about. Even after years of therapy, yoga, meditation, and self-help books, I hadn’t found that kind of grounded, embodied transformation.

That workshop cracked something open. I danced—in public!—which may not sound like a big deal, but for me, it was. I kept coming back. Through the Summer Series and Contemplative Wilderness Retreat, and classes and workshops, I’ve grown into someone more present, more relaxed, and more alive. Not because life got easier, but because I learned how to meet it fully.

I’ve learned to move through life not as a performance to perfect, but as an invitation to engage—with real tools, in real time. And like the upcoming Real Work, Real Change workshop, this path has taught me to work with what’s here, not avoid it. 

When I reflect on how I’ve grown through this work, some themes stand out:

1. Spaciousness
   I can breathe three-dimensionally now—wider, deeper. Not because circumstances changed, but because my relationship to them did. I’m less likely to take things personally and more likely to respond with curiosity and compassion, which means that on a day-to-day basis, I feel less angst.

2. Trust
   Not trust that I will always get the outcome I want—but trust that the universe is arrayed for my benefit, even when hard or disappointing things are happening. I’ve learned that meeting pain with presence is the price of admission to deep JOY. Like sea glass, I’ve softened through all of the tumbling.

3. Responsibility
   Turns out, most of what I react to isn’t even about the present moment—it’s old unprocessed pain with a new face. This work has helped me recognize and process internal filters that distort reality so I can respond with intention rather than habit. I may not control what happens externally, but I do  have the power to shape how I meet it from within.

There’s more, of course: learning how to rest, play, be in community, love myself. And yes, I still forget everything I’ve learned sometimes. That’s why I keep showing up—especially on Wednesday nights with this beautiful, intentional community that helps me remember.

What we do at the Awareness Institute isn’t just about personal healing. It’s about being able to meet a world in flux without collapsing. The tools we learn here help us find center in turbulent times, not bypass the pain. This takes courage and is life changing. 

If any of this resonates, come sit in circle with us. I’d love to see you there.

Rebekah

Rebekah has served as a volunteer with the Awareness Institute team since 2014.