Breaking patterns of Insanity and Seeing with Brand New Eyes
Originally published October 26, 2015
You could say I was a mature kid for my age. As a child, I was self-sufficient and could function independently — no parental supervision required. One could say I was never a “troubled” individual, but still somewhere deep inside there was a struggle. I was unclear about the feelings I was having or why they were there, but I could see clearly some patterns that repeated throughout my life and felt emotionally depleting.
These repeating patterns made me question my experience on a deeper level: there must be more to this existence than repeating patterns of insanity. I didn’t know exactly what “more” meant or what I was even questioning, but still, there was a restlessness…. So I kept an open mind and explored religious possibilities and alternative perspectives on life.
When I stumbled upon the Awareness Institute, I realized that I had a tendency to put my needs and wants last. I actually had no idea what “putting myself first” meant. The decision to attend a workshop was the first time I said “yes” to me. I had this unconscious yearning for the truth… Who am I without my roles, identity, obligations and responsibilities? I didn’t know.
My first workshop was transformative – a transformation that took awhile for me to integrate what I felt, heard and uncovered. Before the workshop I thought I was doing well. I was “sure” of a lot of things and I knew myself. What I know now is that during that first workshop something fundamental shifted inside of me, in how I viewed myself and my life: I saw myself and began experiencing life with brand new eyes.
I am forever changed and grateful for the awareness I’ve learned over the years. It has been the most extraordinary journey I’ve ever been on and the only worthwhile exploration I could ever do with my life. I am nowhere close to having it figured out, but I’m no longer asleep. And what does it mean to be awake? I’m not quite sure, and I know the word “spirituality” or even “awakening” has so many connotations and assumptions… but what this work has given me is truth and presence, and a sense of clarity that’s absolute!
Helen
Helen is a team volunteer for the Awareness Institute.