How Boulders Became an Open Door to Opportunity

Originally published November 16, 2015

My journey began when I noticed a new spark of light in a friend, and some energy that was pure and truthful beckoned me to find out if I could unlock this same light in myself. From the moment I made the leap into my first Awareness Institute workshop, I felt myself trusting something larger than myself.

As I plunged into this unknown space, all of the parts of “me” that seemed to have been hidden since my childhood: beliefs that I was not enough…fears…pain…surfaced. In the beginning, this felt like unearthing a sunken boulder so massive it couldn’t possibly be moved. This boulder created by years of holding on and building a “me” – a “me” that hides…escaping into addictions and playing out a victim identity. That victim “me” ran from taking responsibly for what I had created.

At the “Conscious Living” workshop, I felt the heaviness and pain that this “Kim” character had been carrying around all of these years. It was so familiar, and yet I felt as though I was feeling this heaviness for this first time. It was there, in that depth of darkness, that I could truly find a light to move the boulder blocking my way to the vast ocean of who I really am.

As I found my light, I emerged my TRUE self, with the realization that this boulder was actually the treasure of my own awakening. Within the pain and fear I could face the light and love myself.

Now, over a year later, I am truly opening up to the treasure of diving deep. There is a new curiosity about the wealth of gifts in my internal treasure chest. One is the gift of vulnerability. I have opened up to my husband and daughters in vulnerable ways that I could never have previously imagined doing…really letting them see who I am, telling on myself, sharing my fears and how I hold back from letting love in. I have spoken my truth to my Mother and seen for the first time how I project my beliefs and stories onto her so that I don’t have to really grow up and take responsibility for who I am. I have been vulnerable with my Father’s, connecting without a need to blame or get something from them. And perhaps most importantly, I have connected with myself – seen through the stories about being separate and alone, and broken through my beliefs that I am doing something “wrong” or that I need to show up in a particular way in order to be accepted.

I chose to be a part of the Awareness Institute volunteer team because I get to face my fears over and over again. In other words, over and over again I choose to let this light shine. I also get to be of service to others who are choosing to really look inward and explore their own hidden beliefs. Being able to stand in that vulnerable space with another is the truest gift of all.

Kim

Kim is a team volunteer for the Awareness Institute.